Craig's Moment of Weakness
by Awesome Fat Kitty
Summary: And his initial anger at the blonde had turned into anger at himself for being such a stupid douche. It had all just simply been done in Craig's moment of weakness. Creek one-shot. R&R.


Craig's Moment of Weakness

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or its characters.

A/N: Just a one-shot. Really really sad with a really really happy ending. Warning, there is gay man love. And yes, the flashbacks (written in italics) were written out of order. This fic was also written kind of quickly so excuse any errors. I don't have a BETA anyways. This is for my girlfriend xTweekTweakx -because **_we _**are ok again. Hope you enjoy it.

*~XXX_XXX~*

Craig trembled, hunched over the sink. His head hung down, his shaggy black hair shading his face from seeing his reflection. He couldn't stand it anymore. His hands grasped the end of the sink tightly, his fingers turning white from the pressure of holding on so strongly. Craig bit his lip in pain, his inner self yelling at him for being so stupid. His shoulders shook, and his sides itched from the trickling. The trickling of blood.

So much blood…

It poured from thousands of cuts over Craig's body. The more the better, Craig thought. He squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on the pulsing of pain that radiated through his body. Craig felt like he was going to faint. Whether from the amount of blood leaving his body or the amount of pain he felt with each heartbeat, Craig didn't know. He brought his fist up and slammed it against the mirror. Craig yelled in the back of his throat as he heard the break, felt the shards glide through his skin.

And then everything went black.

***

"_I can't keep fucking doing this, Tweek! You can't keep doing this to me! Fucking stop it!" Craig's voice roared over the pounding of the rain around them. His arms flew out wildly as he glared angrily at the cowering boy. But the blonde didn't back down, just turned his back on Craig, shut him out again._

"_I don't care, Craig; I'm not going to," Tweek said simply, and Craig had to strain to hear his words. Normally a thing like that would only anger Craig more. Instead they went straight to the heart. Craig's jaw locked and he closed his eyes, counting back slowly from ten. Tweek wasn't shaking in fear, wasn't shaking in coldness, no –Tweek was shaking in anger._

***

Craig's eyes fluttered open and he stared up at his bedroom ceiling. He made to move, but winced in pain and stopped as it all flooded back. His hands fell to his bandaged torso, and his eyes clouded over. Craig forced a smile onto his face as his sister entered without a word. She set down a glass of water for him, nodded, and left with a simple flip of her finger. Craig looked back up at the ceiling, his fingers ghosting over the ace bandaging wrapped around his body.

Craig was grateful for his sister, and she'd never breathe a word about this. She never did. Craig reached over for the glass of water and sat up slowly to sip it. If it weren't for her, he would have been dead years ago. Ten. Ten years old had been his first suicide attempt. She found him, fixed him up, and put him to bed. Three more attempts after that. And each time she found him, fixed him up, and put him to bed. Now they were just accidents. When Craig was trying to forget the pain with new pain, sometimes it went too far. And his sister was there each and every time. She found him, fixed him up, and put him to bed.

The night before, when Craig had fainted on the bathroom floor, she had found him, fixed him up, and put him to bed. Craig owed her his life. Again.

***

"_Sometimes it's better to just let things be over, Craig," Damien said softly from next to the boy. They sat on a park bench in the rain, and Craig just sat and stared out blankly at the pond, no more feeling left in him. Years of looking numb, and he finally felt it. Damien just shook his head sadly at the pathetic excuse of a human and awkwardly placed a hand on the center of Craig's upper back in comfort. It was all the dark one knew how to do; it's not like he ever needed comfort, or sought it. And besides, Damien knew Craig didn't want to be babied or treated as if he was weak. He wasn't. He just had to see that._

"_I don't want it to be over," Craig murmured, not once looking away from the spot he had been staring at for hours. He was soaked through to the bone, and Damien had finally stumbled upon him about a half an hour before. Damien didn't even have to ask to know what was wrong, what had happened. He knew when Tweek had showed up in Pip's room in tears. Damien hadn't asked, just left them and went off in search of Craig. He looked everywhere, and couldn't find the boy. Damien never thought to look in the most obvious of places. "It's…it's not over. It's not."_

"_It should be," Damien couldn't help voicing his opinions. He felt his jaw crack as he was slammed from his seat. Damien glared up at Craig from the ground, rubbing at his jaw. He should have expected that. Craig's fist was still raised in the air where he had just hit Damien when Damien was sitting next to him. Craig slowly let it drop again, never once taking his gaze away from that one spot on the pond. Damien sighed and stood up, brushing himself off and flipping back his damp hair from his face with a quick swing of his head. Damien just shook his head sadly again at the pathetic excuse of a human named Craig. He was a lost cause._

***

Craig listened to the chiming of the old grandfather clock in the hall strike twelve as he stayed curled up in his bed, ignoring the pain that resulted from his choice of position. His phone blinked over and over again with the endless alerts he had ignored all day. He figured most of them were from Damien, spamming him with calls and texts in worry or something, but he knew there were others too. Frankly, Craig just didn't care. He closed his eyes, trying to sleep again for the thousandth time that night, but found he couldn't sleep again.

Craig uncurled himself and stretched out. He looked down at his bandages. The blood had soaked through, though he was done bleeding now. Craig figured he should change them and slowly dragged himself out of the bed, wincing as he got up. Craig wrapped one arm around himself, the other dangling uselessly by his side as he wandered into the bathroom. Craig undid the hooks at the top of his chest and slowly started unraveling the bandage around his torso. He gritted his teeth together and glared at his reflection as he peeled it off of himself.

Craig felt like such a douche, like such a pansy. He couldn't believe he'd let it come to this. He couldn't believe he'd let it have such an effect on him. Craig stared at his marred torso, his face blank. He felt numb, and he couldn't believe the damage he'd done.

***

"_You can't just control my life just because you're jealous, you selfish son of a bitch!" A slap echoed in the room and all movement stopped as everyone stared. But the two in the center of all this attention didn't care; they had totally forgotten everyone else was there._

"_I'm selfish?" It came out as a deadly hiss. Craig was angry, it was obvious, everyone knew it. They looked to Tweek, afraid for him, but he just narrowed his eyes and brought his hand up again._

"_Yes! You're extremely fucking selfish!" Tweek snarled in response and brought his hand down again. Craig moved swiftly, he saw it coming –they all say it coming. He grabbed Tweek's wrist and wrenched it back, pressing the blonde angrily against the wall. Tweek cried out in pain, and Pip had to physically stop Damien from moving over to do something about it. As much as Pip wanted to do something himself, he was at least remaining sensible and knew it was something Tweek and Craig had to figure out for themselves. If it went too far, then Pip would let Damien go._

"**I**_ am selfish?" Craig hissed, so much softer this time. Tweek's eyes widened in fear then. The quieter Craig got, the angrier he was. It was one thing for him to be yelling, it was another for him to be close to whispering. "Have you ever once looked at anyone else but yourself, Tweek? Have you ever once thought about how your actions affect others? How they affect _**me**_? How's that for selfish, Tweek, huh? How selfish are you that you knowingly do it all, knowing how I feel about it? How selfish are you that you do it all with a smile on your face, knowing how _**I**_ feel about it? How selfish are _**you**_ that you can't just stop it all…fucking, stop it!"_

_Craig released Tweek with a shaking hand, the rest of the room forgotten. But the whispers started, and Tweek didn't forget them. He panicked, spazzing slightly as tears pricked his eyes. He slapped Craig across the face once more, but this time Craig didn't do anything about it. Tweek looked around at everyone and then back at Craig. And Craig missed every bit of pain in Tweek's eyes._

"_But I don't love them, Craig," Tweek whispered as the tears started. And Craig was too angry to care, to hurt to see them at all. "I don't love them at all. I love _**you**_, and don't fucking forget it." With that Tweek ran from the room, and he didn't look back. And stupidly, instead of just letting him go to wait for both of them to cool, Craig pursued him._

***

Craig stopped wincing when he traced each and every cut. He figured there must have been hundreds of tiny little marks all up and down his sides, across his stomach and over the top of his chest. Craig noticed his sister had replaced the mirror again. A few shards from the last one glittered on the top of the trash, and Craig had to fight the urge to slip one into his pocket for use later. It looked so sharp…

Craig snapped out of it at the sound of a knock on the bathroom door. He glanced up at the mirror to see his sister standing in the doorway. She smiled softly and handed him a shirt. He wasn't bleeding anymore, he didn't need to bandage up again. Craig didn't say anything, didn't smile back, didn't show any emotion at all. He just nodded and took the shirt, slipping it on and fixing it. His sister opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again.

"What is it?" Craig finally asked, his voice blank. His sister frowned and turned to leave.

"Tweek's at the door," she began.

"Don't let him in," Craig started to interrupt, but she just flipped him off.

"I'll send him up," she said anyways, ignoring Craig's protests before leaving as quickly as possible. Craig scowled and returned to his bedroom. He sat down on the bed, his back turned to the door so that when Tweek appeared he wouldn't have to look at him. Craig couldn't, he just couldn't. He felt prepared.

Still, Craig winced when he heard the soft familiar knocking on his doorframe.

***

_Craig dropped his backpack, sliding off his shirt and hanging it up on the coat holder. It was the key for his sister –just in case. Craig tossed his shoes aside by the door and slowly slumped upstairs. He felt like his chest was about to break open and his heart was going to jump out and shatter across the floor. Craig tried with all his might, but he was young, he was hormonal, he was only 17, and he couldn't help the tears of anger the swelled in his eyes. He wasn't angry at Tweek anymore, no. Now? Now Craig was angry at himself._

_Craig had found the blade on his walk home, and he knew it'd be the last time he'd see it. His sister would take it later when she found it, when she found him. Craig had passed her sitting in their living room watching his old time favorite show, the Red Racer. To be honest, Craig hadn't even noticed. He wouldn't have cared anyways._

_Craig stood tall, gazing at his unmarred flesh in the mirror with a frown. It wouldn't take long to change that. He held the blade definitely in his hand and brought it up to his left shoulder. He pressed down firmly and dragged it across his shoulder. Craig watched the crimson pearls begin to tumble over his pale white flesh. It brought a faint smile to his face. Craig was sick; he enjoyed the sting it brought as he pressed the blade down again, over and over again in any area he could reach that wouldn't kill him._

_At the time it seemed logical: if he didn't hit a vein, it wouldn't kill him. Of course, Craig hadn't accounted for the amount of blood pouring out of him at so many places at once. What seemed like a little in each area added up, and then the real pain finally set in. The blade slipped from his hand and he hunched forward, grasping the sink._

"_I'm sorry, Tweek, I'm so sorry," Craig whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Tweek, I'm sorry, Tweek, I'm sorry…" Craig repeated it over and over and over again to himself. Craig let the tears finally fall and hung his head down in shame. "I never meant to hurt you…I'm so sorry, Tweek…"_

_After all, Craig had been so foolish. He had been jealous over nothing, simply feeling replaced and neglected with no reason to feel that way at all. But most importantly, instead of voicing his feelings in the first place, Craig had just outright snapped at Tweek. And his initial anger at the blonde had turned into anger at himself for being such a stupid douche. It had all just simply been done in Craig's moment of weakness. So he repeated his unheard apologies over and over again. Craig just wished Tweek was there, wished the blonde could hear him. But mostly, Craig wished he hadn't made so many mistakes._

***

"Craig…" Tweek's voice was softer than a whisper, barely audible, but it seemed to Craig like he was yelling. Craig heard him loud and clear, but he didn't turn around, didn't look up. Craig stayed headfast, staring blankly out the window of his room as his eyes clouded over.

"Craig…" Tweek tried again, and still there was nothing. Craig tried not to care as he heard Tweek's soft footfalls across his bedroom floor. Craig tried not to care as he felt Tweek sit down beside him. Craig tried not to care as he realized just how stupid he was acting. But Craig cared, and Tweek knew Craig cared. And not just because he had a feeling, but because of what Craig suddenly did.

Craig simply turned around to face Tweek and with one fellow swoop tugged the boy into his lap and arms and hugged him close planting kisses all over his face with "I'm sorry"'s caught in the middle. After flinching just once at the initial start, Tweek never grinned wider as he responded to it. He wrapped his arms around Craig and moved around in his lap so that his legs were spread across Craig's as he faced him. Tweek pressed their foreheads together to keep Craig's face still and crashed their lips together. He smiled against Craig's lips as Craig kissed him, Craig's arms tightly encircling Tweek's waist as Tweek pressed close.

"Shhhh, it's ok," Tweek cooed when he managed to pull his lips away from Craig's. Craig just smiled softly, their eyes locking. He opened his mouth to apologize again anyways, but Tweek silenced him with a short kiss.

"I love you," Craig whispered instead and Tweek grinned, kissing him again.

"I know," Tweek breathed with a sigh of relief. "I love you too, and I'm sorry too." Tweek nuzzled close and pushed Craig into a lying position to cuddle with him. And Craig, the big secret pansy that he secretly was, didn't object to it. He let Tweek curl up against his side, wrapping his arms around the blonde and holding him close. Had it been anyone else, Craig would have been pushing them away and crying out in pain from the damage he had done. But it wasn't anyone else, it was Tweek. His Tweek. Who loved him, not them, but him. And so the pain seemed to vanish into thin air. But Craig would never let Tweek know what kind of affect the boy had on him.

And what an effect Tweek did indeed have. To have someone like Tweek love him drove Craig wild. He hadn't ever been the jealous type before, but Craig didn't want to ever risk losing Tweek. It'd kill him. Tweek did miracles for Craig, and he'd never know it. Craig felt like he was floating on air, like he never had anything to worry about, when Tweek was around. So to know that Tweek wasn't staying mad made Craig both relieved and happy beyond compare. He couldn't ask for better than Tweek -there just wasn't any better out there. Craig smiled softly as Tweek grasped his hand and entwined their fingers.

"I love you a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot," Craig whispered, kissing Tweek's cheek gently, and Tweek blushed. Craig's smile turned into a grin because he knew that was it. They were okay again.

* * *

FIN


End file.
